I wrote this book with the strong belief that most addictive and high-risk behaviors can be avoided if we understand and take action to support and nurture the spirituality of the young child.

Research has proven that all addictions stem back to a low sense of self worth. This book is a call to action to support and nurture the child’s spirituality, because we know it is the essence of a child’s state of “well” being–a positive authentic sense of self-worth.

As I observed these infants and toddlers and then wrote the book, I realized so many things about my own up-bringing. This book can help you re-parent yourself, to fall in love with the wonderful creature you are! http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=84429

 We had a great show with Charles Mills. As we talked about applying the ten top wellness tips to everyday life, I couldn’t help but think about myself. How could I feel better, have more energy, and keep from getting the annual virus?

Charles Mills

I have one very bad habit. Every year about this time, I start saying (usually as I eat), “It’s time to put on the winter fat.” Even though I say it as a joke, I always put on the “winter fat.” This year is going to be different. I’m going to post this list on my refrigerator. You want to know why? Because, it takes me all summer to get my “winter fat” off. This year, I’m going to save me some time and energy and follow these wellness tips, and I’m not going to put on the “winter fat!” Here’s a synopsis of what we talked about.

Wellness Tip #1 One Cause, One Remedy The cause for most chronic illnesses, such as high blood pressure, diabetes’s, cancer, chronic fatigue syndrome, and obesity is poor nutrition. Dr. Gamblin suggested one way to eat your way to a healthy body was to make eating an apple and five almonds before every meal a habit. Now instead of snacking on sugared or salty items, slice up an apple and eat it with a few almonds while you are fixing your meal. You’ll be surprised how full it makes you feel and how any excess weight will start to come off.

Wellness Tip #2 Fiber The apple and almonds both are rich in fiber. Why is fiber so important? Because it is the vehicle that carries the nutrients to our body’s cell. Nutritional fiber helps lower cholesterol and maintains sugar levels; you need to eat at least 20 grams of fiber per day.

Wellness Tip #3 Do It All the Time Habits aren’t habits if you don’t do them all the time. You brush your teeth every day, you put on your seat belt when you get into a vehicle, and you should do your health habits every day. Just forgetting to drink water for one day can set you up to become sick.

Wellness Tip #4 Brain Fog Do you ever feel “foggy brained?” That foggy brained feeling is caused by lack of blood circulation to the brain. If you want to avoid that feeling, be sure to drink at least eight glasses of water every day. Get plenty of exercise, eat fresh fruits and vegetables, and spend time walking out doors in the fresh air. If you still feel “foggy brained.” Check your medications for side effects.

Wellness Tip #5 Body Adjusts It’s never too late. Change just one life style feature and your body will begin to adjust in a good way. Our bodies are wonderfully made and if we give them the correct tools it will try to heal itself.  

Wellness Tip #6 Health Habits Affect Children’s Children If your father was an alcoholic that doesn’t mean you are going to be an alcoholic; it does mean that the tendency is greater because your father’s DNA has been etched with his experiences including alcoholism. You can break the cycle, and after three generations the tendency will be gone unless the habit is resumed. Fill your life with good habits as a legacy for your children.

Wellness Tip #7 Media is Leading Us Astray The media is bombarding us with messages about food. Doesn’t your mouth water when you see those delicious hamburgers, “I’m Lovin’ it,” and what about cereal and candy bars, “They’re GREAT!” “Break Me Off a Piece of the Kit Kat BAR!” and so on and so forth. If you can make a habit of doing a little channel surfing during commercial time, you’ll find yourself less tempted by these food messages. Better yet, jump up and do something, dust the room, get five minutes in on the treadmill, or call a friend.  

Wellness Tip #8 Medical Profession Doesn’t Know If it is an acute situation, such as a broken arm, or wound, go to the doctor. Modern medicine has saved many lives because of the knowledge about infections, anesthesia, and antibiotics. These are considered acute situations. But if it is a lifestyle problem (and a doctor can help you decide), change your lifestyle. You owe it to those you love and who love you; dying young leaves a vacancy that no one else can fill.

Wellness Tip #9 We Are in charge of our Health Yes, take charge of your health. If you feel sick, go through your own inventory: Am I eating fresh foods and vegetables, getting enough exercise, drinking plenty of water? Have I had enough sunlight and fresh air, am I getting enough rest, do I trust that God is in all of my circumstances? And then take the steps to fix it; you are the only one that really knows how you feel.

Wellness Tip #10 Start Preparing a Healthy Body for Heaven Scriptures tell us in 1 Corinthians 6:19, What, know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? The next time you struggle with overworking, overeating, or over anything, remind yourself, you are a temple, so treat yourself with respect.

I’d love to hear some of your wellness tips. Maybe you make it a point to find humor in stressful situations. Hey, that’s another great tip. I’m going to add it to my list. I’m going to find a reason to laugh every day. How about you?

There isn’t one of us who wants harm to come to our children; we certainly don’t want the “she bears to get them.” What do we do when we see them heading on a self-destructive path? Kalyn’s Secret is a story about such an experience. As a pastor’s kid, Kalyn was active in church, a straight-A student, a seemingly perfect daughter. So how, at the age of 14, did she become involved with a man in her father’s church who was three times her age?

Kalyn says this unhealthy relationship started very innocently. His family and her family were good friends. The man would often compliment her on how nice she looked or how beautiful she sang. Lisa, the mother, didn’t realize that one in four girls is the victim of this type of crime and one in six boys. As a homeschooling mom she thought her children were protected. “Maybe I gave Kalyn too much credit to be able to handle things in a mature fashion.” She commented.

In the book Kalyn’s Secret, Lisa has written an Allegory called the Journey through Adolescence. In this allegory the parent and teen are traveling on a river, the parent has studied certain islands that they need to avoid like Depression, Drugs, Sexual Abuse, Rebellion, Violence, and Teen Pregnancy. Unfortunately, the parent doesn’t realize that the island of Love Addiction doesn’t wait for you to land on it, but can sneak on your boat while in the middle of the river.

Love Addiction consists of three main components: Romance, Relationship and Sexual Addiction. Love addiction is often perceived to be “less serious” than other addictions such as eating disorders or self-harm/mutilation, perhaps because it sounds “softer.”  In reality it is extremely painful and can be very dangerous to both the addict and the object of their affection.  Many suicides, murders, stalking, rapes and other crimes of passion have their roots in this addiction.  Our culture, as portrayed in the media, has traditionally glorified love addiction with the notion that we fall in love and live “happily ever after.” Teens and young adults are particularly vulnerable to this type of addiction because they don’t fully understand the groundwork that true relationships require.

Some of the causes for Love Addiction are: Lack of nurturing and attention when young, feeling isolated, detached from parents and family, hidden pain over emotional and/or sexual abuse, inner rage over lack of nurturing, and early abandonment. Encourage your teens to know about the background of their girl or boy friend and if any of these events have been part of their life, strongly caution them both of the danger of Love Addiction.  

Have them do a self-inventory by checking the following:

• Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal breakdown

• Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
• Highly manipulative and controlling of others
• Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
• Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
• Escalating tolerance for high-risk behaviors
• Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
• Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems 
• Using others, sex and relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
• Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
• Confusion of sexual attraction with love (“Love” at first sight)
• Tendency to trade sexual activity for “love” or attachment  
• Existence of a secret “double life”
• Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
• Tendency to leave one relationship for another
• Inability to be without a relationship
• Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately  

Many of these symptoms are also elements of co-dependency and intimacy dysfunctions resulting from childhood abandonment, emotional and/or sexual abuse.  For this reason treatment and therapy for Love Addiction often includes trauma recovery work. 

It has been eight long years toward recovery for Kalyn. She went down the slippery slope of rebellion, cutting, not eating, and suicide. All of these were symptoms of a bigger problem, and as parents we must be determined not to “let the she bears get them!”

What is video gaming, and how did it start? It all started in 1949, when a young engineer named Ralph Baer was given an assignment to build a television set. He wasn’t supposed to build just any television set, but one that would be the absolute best of all televisions. This was not a problem for Baer, but he wanted to go beyond this assignment and incorporate some kind of game into the set. He didn’t know exactly what kind of game he had in mind, but it didn’t really matter because his managers thought the idea was crazy. It would take another 18 years for his idea to become a reality, and by that time there would be other people who’d have the same idea, like Willy Higinbotham, who designed an interactive tennis game played on an oscilloscope, and Steve Russell, who programmed a rudimentary space game on a DEC PDP-1 mainframe computer.

The history of video gaming is not just about companies such as Atari–an American company with a Japanese name, and the Japanese company Sega was started by an American. Or Sony, the company that invented all types of electronics, from transistor radios to video recorders, would release a video game console that would become its top-selling product of all time.  No, the history of video gaming is really a story of human nature. And in a world where video games are often cited as a source for teenage violence and addiction, it seems appropriate to discuss the pros and cons.

As guest co-host for this show, I took the side of “pro video games” while Dr. Gamblin took the side of being against video games. And for the most part, I truly do think that video games have their place in our very busy, technologically-filled lives. Our children will need to be very technologically aware as they make their way through life.

At age three, my daughter could install simple games on the computer. She played Reader Rabbit for Toddlers and learned her colors, shapes, simple math, amongst other things. And she also learned to use a keyboard correctly. By the time she was ready for kindergarten, she was quite advanced in reading and math and still greatly enjoyed her computer games. My younger daughter has taken the same path. And both girls still really enjoy the educational games that are out there.

Now other games have become popular to both children as the Wii and PlayStation have become part of our household. But just last night, both girls and both parents were upstairs trying to keep up to Dance Dance Revolution. There was a lot of laughter – straight out hilarity, actually, as both Mom and Dad fumbled around, trying desperately to just stay ON the mat while our 12-year-old danced circles around us. But we had FUN. We laughed together as a family and encouraged both girls as they giggled the night away. Was it educational? Probably not. But as a family, it was a bonding time. And I’m here to tell you, it’s GREAT exercise.

Obviously, video gaming is a personal decision – one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Choosing games wisely, guarding your time, etc. need to all be taken into consideration. Each parent needs to decide whether or not the games are a help or hinderance to their child and to their family. Addictions can and do happen. So while I’m all for video gaming, I’m also all for being aware of what is best for you and for your children.

What are your thoughts?

Keeping Kids Safe From Abduction, Violence, and Exploitation

According to the U.S. Department of Justice more than 300,000 children in the U.S. are at risk every year for commercial sexual exploitation. Teri Williams from NBC reported that investigators and researchers estimate the average predator in the U.S. can make more than $200,000 a year off one young girl or boy. How are you protecting your children and how do you approach this topic with them. This information will help parents find that balance between protection and paranoia.

Diane Brown joined Dr. Rose Gamblin and Candy DeVore for this recent topic about educating kids on safety. Diane Brown, is the founder and director of Safety Kids, Inc. She has worked on the issue of personal safety for children since 1982. She is a certified International Crime Prevention Specialist through the International Society of Crime Prevention Practitioners. She has taught personal safety to hundreds of thousands of children and adults, has appeared on numerous television and radio programs, and also worked with Sesame Street Live and the Harlem Globetrotters to present child safety programs. She serves on the Advisory Board for the FBI Adopt-a-School Initiative and the Safe Schools and Communities Consulting Group.

Here are five of the most important questions we addressed:

1.  At what age, and how, do I teach my child proper and effective personal safety tips?

Teaching safety is like teaching manners, a parent needs to gradually increase the amount of safety information based on the maturation of the child and they need to consistently teach these safety principles. The two most important safety rules should be “check first” and “because I’m with you.” For example, when offered candy, a child would “check first,” and you respond, “Yes, because I’m with you.”

2. What are some good home-alone skills that my child should know?

·         Don’t tell others that you’re going to be home alone.

·         Don’t answer the door even if the person at the door sees you.

·         Know what to do in case of an emergency.

3. Is “stranger danger” the best strategy for teaching my child how to be safe from predators?

Most predators offend children that they know and with whom they have established some type of a relationship with. While it is important to teach children to avoid strangers, the danger is usually much closer. While interviewing a child predator, the predator said that they would go to church, pick a target, and then start developing a friendship with the children and the parents. Here again, the safety rule of “checking first” will help parents and children stay connected and make appropriate choices.

4.  How do I talk to my child about sexual abuse and how to prevent it?

Although discussing child abuse with your child may be difficult for you, it is very important. More than 3 million reports of child abuse are received each year, including half a million reports of child sexual abuse. Research has shown that children whose parents talk to them about preventing abuse are more effective at fending off assaults. Parents should have open discussions about how to take care of their private parts. Part of that discussion is teaching your children not to allow others to touch their private parts. Children should also feel that they can tell their parents about anything that makes them uncomfortable without any reproach or guilt.

5. How should we handle a bullying situation? When do parents intervene and when do we let kids work it out?

The definition of bullying as widely agreed on in research is (1) a specific type of aggression in which the behavior is intended to harm or hurt, (2) the behavior occurs repeatedly over time, and (3) there is an imbalance of power, with a more powerful person or group attacking a less powerful one. The aggressive behavior may be verbal (name calling or putdowns), physical (hitting, spitting, tripping), or psychological (rumors, shunning/exclusion). Parents shouldn’t intervene if it is just a squabble between two equally balanced children. But certainly intervene if you have concluded that bullying is taking place.

Studies show that bullying causes major problems for children of all ages such as depression, low self-esteem, and truancy. Without intervention, bullies also suffer as adults, they require more support from government agencies, have more court convictions and alcoholism, and use more mental health services. Even children who simply witness bullying incidents experience significant fear and anxiety. As serious and damaging as bullying is most victims do not report it. Even those who do are often discounted or ignored. Children who are bullied by their parents or older siblings often become bullies. Parents can use the definition of bullying to understand the extent to which their child may be in a bullying situation. Encourage your child to walk, talk, look the offender in the eye, and act confident. Work with your child on conflict management skills. And after exhausting all other possibilities, don’t hesitate to involve the local authorities if the circumstances should warrant it.

Pastor Bob Sparenberg Show 3-24-10

The idea that each one of us should “ride” (live) for a reason seems logical. In fact, when children discover the reason for their existence, their self-worth is transformed and attitudes dramatically improve. This belief is embodied in the person of Pastor Bob Sparenberg. Bob is a motocross enthusiast who emigrated from Belgium. He often jokes about being a B.A.D Boy—you see B.A.D stands for a “Belgian Against Drugs.”

Bob initially founded the De Coster’s Kids Program in 1980 with five-time world champion—Rodger De Coster. Pastor

 Bob and his team travel from school to school with a mobile education unit, consisting of a 40-foot race team trailer that functions as a classroom complete with exhibits showing the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, smoking and gang violence. I had the privilege of seeing this program in action last summer and was thrilled to have Pastor Bob as a guest on our show.

The Mobile Education Unit

One of Bob’s favorite quotes is from a book called Temperance which reads like this,

“There is everywhere a work to be done for those who through intemperance have fallen. In the midst of churches, [schools], religious institutions, and professedly Christian homes, many of the youth are choosing the path to destruction. Through intemperate habits they bring upon themselves disease, and through greed to obtain money for sinful indulgence they fall into dishonest practices. Health and character are ruined. Aliens from God, outcasts from society, these poor souls feel that they are without hope either for this life or for the life to come. The hearts of the parents are broken. Men speak of these erring ones has hopeless; but not so does God regard them. He understands all the circumstances that have made them what they are, and He looks upon them with pity. This is a class that [demands] help. Never give them occasion to say, “No man cares for my soul.” (Temperance, White, pg. 126)

When I was a kid my dad bought a Suzuki 90. It had a beautiful blue body with a chrome gas tank, and I wanted to learn to drive it. I was about twelve, and my dad didn’t think I was ready. I begged and begged. Finally he let me try it out. He told me how to do everything, but it wasn’t until I got on it, powered up the engine, and took off that I really began to learn. Yes, I made many mistakes and went through hedges, over ditches, through pot holes with my dad yelling directions, and me trying to gain control. When I finally came to a stop I burned my leg on the exhaust pipe. And did that stop me? No, I drove it whenever I had a chance.

Yes, each one of us should “ride” for a reason. Only by “riding” for a reason can we stop some of the pain that comes with addictive and high-risk behaviors.

Caffeine is defined as a drug because it stimulates the central nervous system, causing increased heart rate, alertness, and is addictive. Caffeine is naturally produced in the leaves and seeds of many plants as is Cocaine. It’s also produced artificially and added to certain foods.

The principal action of caffeine is as an antagonist of adenosine receptors in the brain, because the caffeine molecule is structurally similar to adenosine, and binds to adenosine receptor on the surface of cells without activating them. Therefore, caffeine acts as a competitive inhibitor. The reduction in adenosine activity results in increased activity of the neurotransmitter dopamine, accounting for the stimulatory effect. This is why hallucinogenics and caffeine are often used together.

Recent research discovered that caffeine freely diffuses into cells and causes intracellular calcium release from the calcium stores in the Endoplasmic Reticulum. This would explain the higher percentage of osteoporosis among those older Americans who routinely drink caffeinated beverages.

Caffeine belongs to a group of stimulants called xanthines. Considering that it is readily available and a pick-me-up for many, caffeine is a very popular drug. According to the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), four out of five Americans have some caffeine on any given day, the average amount being about 200 milligrams a day (equivalent to that found in two 8-ounce cups of coffee, three to four 12-ounce cans of caffeinated soda, or four 8-ounce cup of tea). Globally, consumption of caffeine has been estimated at 120,000 tons per annum, making it the world’s most popular psychoactive substance. This number equates to one serving of a caffeinated beverage for every person on the planet on any given day.

Caffeine was on the International Olympic Committee list of prohibited substances for many years. Athletes who tested positive for more than 12 micrograms of caffeine per milliliter of urine could be banned from the Olympic Games. This level can be reached after drinking about 5 cups of coffee. However, caffeine was removed from the banned list in 2004.