I wrote this book with the strong belief that most addictive and high-risk behaviors can be avoided if we understand and take action to support and nurture the spirituality of the young child.

Research has proven that all addictions stem back to a low sense of self worth. This book is a call to action to support and nurture the child’s spirituality, because we know it is the essence of a child’s state of “well” being–a positive authentic sense of self-worth.

As I observed these infants and toddlers and then wrote the book, I realized so many things about my own up-bringing. This book can help you re-parent yourself, to fall in love with the wonderful creature you are! http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=84429

There isn’t one of us who wants harm to come to our children; we certainly don’t want the “she bears to get them.” What do we do when we see them heading on a self-destructive path? Kalyn’s Secret is a story about such an experience. As a pastor’s kid, Kalyn was active in church, a straight-A student, a seemingly perfect daughter. So how, at the age of 14, did she become involved with a man in her father’s church who was three times her age?

Kalyn says this unhealthy relationship started very innocently. His family and her family were good friends. The man would often compliment her on how nice she looked or how beautiful she sang. Lisa, the mother, didn’t realize that one in four girls is the victim of this type of crime and one in six boys. As a homeschooling mom she thought her children were protected. “Maybe I gave Kalyn too much credit to be able to handle things in a mature fashion.” She commented.

In the book Kalyn’s Secret, Lisa has written an Allegory called the Journey through Adolescence. In this allegory the parent and teen are traveling on a river, the parent has studied certain islands that they need to avoid like Depression, Drugs, Sexual Abuse, Rebellion, Violence, and Teen Pregnancy. Unfortunately, the parent doesn’t realize that the island of Love Addiction doesn’t wait for you to land on it, but can sneak on your boat while in the middle of the river.

Love Addiction consists of three main components: Romance, Relationship and Sexual Addiction. Love addiction is often perceived to be “less serious” than other addictions such as eating disorders or self-harm/mutilation, perhaps because it sounds “softer.”  In reality it is extremely painful and can be very dangerous to both the addict and the object of their affection.  Many suicides, murders, stalking, rapes and other crimes of passion have their roots in this addiction.  Our culture, as portrayed in the media, has traditionally glorified love addiction with the notion that we fall in love and live “happily ever after.” Teens and young adults are particularly vulnerable to this type of addiction because they don’t fully understand the groundwork that true relationships require.

Some of the causes for Love Addiction are: Lack of nurturing and attention when young, feeling isolated, detached from parents and family, hidden pain over emotional and/or sexual abuse, inner rage over lack of nurturing, and early abandonment. Encourage your teens to know about the background of their girl or boy friend and if any of these events have been part of their life, strongly caution them both of the danger of Love Addiction.  

Have them do a self-inventory by checking the following:

• Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal breakdown

• Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
• Highly manipulative and controlling of others
• Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
• Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
• Escalating tolerance for high-risk behaviors
• Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
• Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems 
• Using others, sex and relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
• Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
• Confusion of sexual attraction with love (“Love” at first sight)
• Tendency to trade sexual activity for “love” or attachment  
• Existence of a secret “double life”
• Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
• Tendency to leave one relationship for another
• Inability to be without a relationship
• Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately  

Many of these symptoms are also elements of co-dependency and intimacy dysfunctions resulting from childhood abandonment, emotional and/or sexual abuse.  For this reason treatment and therapy for Love Addiction often includes trauma recovery work. 

It has been eight long years toward recovery for Kalyn. She went down the slippery slope of rebellion, cutting, not eating, and suicide. All of these were symptoms of a bigger problem, and as parents we must be determined not to “let the she bears get them!”

Depression Affects 18.8 Million Americans

Did you know that depression affects approximately 18.8 million American adults in a given year? The holidays can be particularly difficult. Those who have struggled with depression say that they’d rather be physically sick than depressed, those who’ve never been depressed should count their blessings! But I can guarantee that you still have felt its icy fingers of impact, because someone you love is probably suffering from depression right now.

One Million Preschoolers are Clinically Depressed.

One of the fastest-growing markets for anti-depression medication is for preschoolers, it is estimated that at least four percent of preschoolers—that is over one million—are clinically depressed. It’s as if they are catching a virus of depression from their teachers, parents, older siblings, or caregivers. The rate of increase in depression among school-age children is even more astonishing at 23 percent.

What does a Chrsitmas Tree have to do with Depression?

Just last week I was sitting on the couch looking at my Christmas tree. I wanted one more look before I started to take it down, so I turned on the lights and sat there for a few minutes.  It’s just an artificial blue spruce, about six feet tall, with tiny white lights and white garland. It really is nothing but a bunch of “bling.”

I thought about my older daughter’s question on Christmas Eve. We’d gone to her house and the first thing she asked was, “did you put up a tree?” What a strange question for a grown daughter with a family who has two trees in her own big house, why would she wonder if we’d put up a tree?  . . . And then I’d remembered my younger daughter’s question earlier in the month, she was checking on our house while we were away and she wanted to know if she could turn on our Christmas tree lights. She, too, has a lovely family with their own tree. So, what was so important about their parents having a Christmas tree?

I continued to think about the tree and all the memories it conjured up. I really do have an excuse to be a little depressed, I thought. I’ve lost my job, a job I really loved, and I miss my friends and associations from that job, and the income. But, in spite of the memories, and no assurance for the future, I feel joyful; it’s explainable only in the fact that I have faithfully followed my eight-question depression-busting plan. Using these questions to check my attitude and behavior I put myself back on track every time I feel the slightest twinge of depression.

Eight-Question Depression-Busting Plan

Nutrition, am I eating the right things?  Things to avoid are sugar, preservatives, and highly-processed food. These foods may temporarily elevate your mood, but ultimately let you down, leaving you with food cravings, and feelings of guilt for eating too much.

Exercise, am I getting enough exercise? Exercise gives your brain an opportunity to rejuvenate. This actually will elevate your mood and give you a sense of well being.

Water, am I drinking enough water? Water carries necessary nutrients to all parts of your body and flushes out toxins.

Sunlight, am I getting enough sunlight? You may be a borderline seasonally-affected depressant; it is hard in the winter with shorter days to get enough sunlight. Taking additional vitamin D and using a light  box may help.

 Temperance, am I being temperate in all that I do? Another word for temperance is balance. Am I being balanced in all that I do? Am I working too hard? Am I eating too much? Avoid harmful substances altogether.

Air, am I getting fresh air? Air that is full of mold spores and dust can precipitate illness, which leads to cold remedies and pain killers; it is now believed that acetaminophen may cause feelings of depression.

Rest, am I getting enough rest? Sleep, often hard to come by in our fast-paced lives, maybe the most important activity you’re missing. Known to help control appetite, you can loose weight just by getting enough sleep. So avoid too much stimulus (exercise, exciting TV shows, caffeine), and establishing a bedtime routine, even if you don’t sleep, stay there for eight hours.

Trust in your Higher Power, am I spending time in the word? Am I filling my soul with faith or fear food? Until you make feeding your spirit the same priority as feeding your body you will struggle with depression. It is a natural  response to the unpredictable world in which we live.

Try this plan and you too, can stop the spread of depression.