When is it Time to Sign? Well, we learned that now is the time. Infants and toddlers who learn sign language are able to communicate at a very young age—5 months old. Learning sign language makes learning an additional language easier. It raises communication awareness and abilities, and enhances the child’s vocabulary and literacy skills. Research indicates that an infant who learns sign language has a 10-12 point higher IQ level. It also enhances fine and gross motor coordination. All of these benefits give the child a sense of confidence that helps build a positive self-worth. Some additional benefits are:

Increased Brain Function

Visual right brain usage. The right half of the brain is the creative, high-order thinking sphere. We want to nurture this sphere of the brain because we want our children to be independent thinkers, not mere reflectors of other men’s thoughts.

Cognitive second language left brain usage. The left half of the brain is the analytical sphere where cognitive abilities are often measured. Signing allows for development on both halves of the brain creating additional connections or synapses.

Positive Behavioral Management Outcomes

Signing can lower children’s noise levels in the learning environment. Teaching your child to respond to signs will help reduce the noise level. Have you ever had to yell, “be quiet,” in order to get the children’s attention? It is quite comical to say the least. With signing you can greatly reduce the need to raise your voice.

Another advantage to signing is,  it enables classroom teachers and families to better support special needs children. Take, for example, the highly sensitive child. Noise can be most distracting and overwhelming for that child. If you have established some non-verbal signs, the children will quickly obey and peace will ensue. I have witnessed this phenomena where ever signing has become the culture of the family or classroom. It is not fully understood as to why sign language gets their attention better than the spoken word, but it does.

Once you’ve established a culture for signing use, you will notice the reduction of the instances of errant behavior. I believe this is a result of the child feeling heard. In other words, it provides children with the ability to understand and express their emotions in a positive way. This is particularly helpful to boys who often have a difficult time verbalizing their emotions. Now with a simple sign they can let you know if they feel sad, angry, or happy.

Check out the resources on Lillian Hubler’s website for beginning your Time to Sign!

Can I eat food that will make me smarter? Are there certain foods that help my thought processes? What about Alzheimer’s, are their foods that help with that? The answer is Yes, Yes, and Yes!

Yes, what you eat can make you smarter. Not that eating any or all of these foods alone will make you smarter, but, combined with regular study habits, these foods have been shown to increase focus, concentration, reaction time, and retention by keeping neural pathways in the brain healthy and high-functioning.

Fantastic Fats are essential to the neurochemical process. Specifically, foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids are considered “brain food.”

• Seeds, like flaxseeds and pumpkin seeds are loaded with fiber and omega 3 fatty acids.
• Nuts, such as walnuts and almonds , are also high in essential fatty acids and fiber. Fresh coconut is also a winner.
• Avocados not only taste great, they’re versatile and filling (because of their fat content).

Powerful Proteins not only help you build strong muscles, they supply the amino acids that are essential to brain health.

• Nuts, Seeds, and whole grains also provide a great source of protein and hence, the amino acids needed in neurotransmitter production.
• Eggs contain a healthy dose of protein and are chock-full of the B-vitamin choline – an important precursor to brain neurotransmitters.
• Dried beans like lentils and garbanzos should be part of your balanced diet.
• Green leafy vegetables like spinach are rich in protein and free-radical fighting antioxidants.

Carbohydrates have gotten a bad rep over the past several years, but your brain needs them in order to stay alert and energetic. Knowing what carbohydrates your brain needs will put you right in the middle of your learning sweet spot.

• Starchy vegetables like corn, squash, potatoes, and carrots are great brain food.
• Whole grains found in breads, crackers, or cereals should not be avoided.

NOTE: The danger with carbohydrates is the spike that occurs in your blood sugar after you eat them. Eating small portions 5-7 times per day can help combat the surge and crash in blood sugar that we all know well. Another way to combat this increase in blood sugar is by eating a protein alongside one of the high quality carbohydrates mentioned above. Non-starchy vegetables also help to mitigate the well-known spike in blood sugar. Your mom always told you to eat your broccoli, didn’t she?

Vitamins and Minerals act as antioxidants in the body by scavenging free radicals. In addition, they act to keep the enzymatic reactions of the body in order.

• Fruits in small portions (around 1/2 cup) are a great source of natural vitamins and minerals. Ten servings a day is said to keep cancer at bay.
• Raw or stir-fried vegetables also provide a essential vitamins and minerals. Have fun with the color – you don’t have to stick to green and leafy to get all the nutrients you need.

What about Alzheimer’s, are there foods that help with that?  

If you want to lower your risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, you should eat more fruits and vegetables, fish, omega-3 oils according to a recent press release. If you eat foods that are high in omega-6 oils, you could increase your chances of having problems with your memory as you age.

Researchers at the French National Institute for Health and Medical Research, in Bordeaux, France, conducted this study. They determined that increasing one’s consumption of omega-3 oils could reduce the risk of developing dementia by 60 percent when compared to those people who did not consume omega-3 oils.

Additionally, by regularly including fruits and vegetables in their daily diet, people reduced their risk of developing dementia by 30 percent when compared to those who did not regularly include fruits and vegetables in their diet.

Researchers also determined that having a diet that is unbalanced, consuming far more omega-6 oils but not omega-3 oils, increased one’s risk of developing dementia.

So here’s my rule of thumb. Eat fresh whole fruits and vegetables at every meal and sometimes in between.

To celebrate three years of broadcasting we finally devoted a show to the subject of spelling! I personally have an aversion to the subject because of all the horrible experiences I’ve had.   

I take great comfort in the fact that doing poorly in this subject does not correlate to intelligence. But inspite of the research proving this point, I’ve still been labed a dumb blonde because of misspelled words. Even during the show I misspelled the word spell, carefully spelling it s-p-l-l for thousands of listeners. For the remainder of show both my co-host and my engineer kept asking me to spell the word spell, ha ha hee hee.   

I was so grateful to Dan Hite for his contribution to the subject and because he has developed this wonderful tool to help learners like me. The kind of learners who are bored to tears over the minutia (yes, I had to ask Cathy how to spell minutia), those little curves and symbols that represent sound. My brain just moves to fast to even notice.

Dan Hite understands, he’s seen his daughter struggle with their boring spelling lists and he’s taken the talents he has to make it better for them and for the rest of us in the process. Dan started working as a corporate software developer in 1995 and formed the software business Auction Sentry Software. In 2001 he developed and marketed the popular eBay user utility called Auction Sentry. The software was highly successful and in 2007 was awarded the People’s Choice Award at the Software Industry Conference. He then sold the Auction Sentry Software business at the end of 2007 to focus on his newer educational products such as SpellQuizzer. I’ve gone to his website www.SpellQuizzer.com. And I encourage you to check it out.

There were really two stories we should have discussed with Dan Hite. The first one was how Dan became so successful in developing the Auction Sentry software and marketing it. I asked him if a bright idea just comes into his head and poof, it’s a hit! He explained that he had developed the software for himself and later others wanted it too. “That’s how it is, you do it for yourself, and it might be what others want, or it might not.” I like that sentiment, be passionate because of your own need and inspiration and the money will follow.

The second story incorporated the question, “Why did you go from developing Auction Sentry software to developing software for spelling?” Here again, the need was to help his own children. Be sure a check out the www.SpellQuizer.com web site. You can get a 30-day free trial and see if your student’s spelling scores don’t improve. It works with other subjects too, any subject that you need to know facts or vocabulary for, and the price is reasonable, just 25 dollars.

I’ve added a reference list in case you want to know more about this important topic. I bet you didn’t know there was so much information about spelling.

References

Beers, J. (1995). Spelling development: stages and strategies. In: Scott Foresman Publisher (Ed.), Spelling research and information: An overview of research and practices (pp53-66). Glenview IL: Scott Foresman.

Bowey, J. A. (1995). On the contribution of phonological sensitivity to phonological recoding. Issues in Education, 1, 65-69.

Cramer, R. L. (1995). Making better spellers: Integrating spelling, reading, and writing. In: Scott Foresman Publisher, op. cit. (pp77-92).

Cramer, R. L. & Cipielewski, J. F. (1995). Research in action: A study of spelling errors in 18,599 written compositions of children in grades 1-8. In: Scott Foresman Publishers, op. cit. (pp11=40).

Gentry, J. R. (1987). Spel … is a four-letter word. Portsmouth NH: Heinemann.

Goswami, U. (1994). Phonological skills, analogies, and reading development. Reading, 28 (2), 32-37.

Groff, P. (1986). The implications of developmental spelling research: A dissenting view. Elementary School Journal, 86, 317-323.

Groff, P. & Seymour, D. Z. (1987). Word recognition: The why and the how. Springfield IL: Charles C. Thomas.

Honig, B. (1996). Teaching our children to read. Thousand Oaks CA: Corwin.

Marine, K. (1995). Using the research: Developing a spelling curriculum. In: Scott Foresman, op. cit., pp41-52.

Petty, W. T. (1982). Handwriting and spelling: Their current status in the language arts curriculum. In: W. B. Barbe, A. S. Francis, and L. A. Braun (Eds.), Spelling: Basic skills for effective communication. (pp53-60). Columbus OH: Zaner-Bloser.

Rondthaler, E. & Lias, E. J. (1986). A dictionary of fonetic spelling. New York NY: American Literacy Council.

Stanovich, K. E. (1994). Romance and reality. Reading Teacher, 47, 280-291.

Tangel, D. M. & Blachman, B. A. (1995). Effect of phoneme awareness instruction on the invented spelling of first-grade children: A one-year follow up. Journal of Reading Behavior, 27, 153-185.

Torgesen, J. K., Wagner, R. K., & Rashotte, C. A. (1994). Longitudinal studies of phonological processes and reading. Journal of Learning Disabilities, 27, 276-286.

Treiman, R. (1993). Beginning to spell: A study of first-grade children. New York NY: Oxford University.

Venezky, R. (1980). From Webster to Rice to Roosevelt: The formative years for spelling instruction and spelling reform in the USA. In: U. Frith (Ed.), Cognitive processes in spelling (pp9-30). New York NY: Academic.

Wing, A. M. & Baddeley, A. D. (1980). Spelling errors and handwriting: A corpus and a distributional analysis. In: U. Frith (Ed.), Ibid, (pp251-285).

I wrote this book with the strong belief that most addictive and high-risk behaviors can be avoided if we understand and take action to support and nurture the spirituality of the young child.

Research has proven that all addictions stem back to a low sense of self worth. This book is a call to action to support and nurture the child’s spirituality, because we know it is the essence of a child’s state of “well” being–a positive authentic sense of self-worth.

As I observed these infants and toddlers and then wrote the book, I realized so many things about my own up-bringing. This book can help you re-parent yourself, to fall in love with the wonderful creature you are! http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=84429

What an interesting title for a show. Gentle Measures. What does that mean? Gentle Measures for what? Cooking? Cleaning? Clothes buying? How about discipline? In my experience, the topic of discipline is a hot button for many people – the biggest point of contention being whether or not to spank. So often you hear, “I was spanked and I turned out fine.” And, in fact, I was spanked and I do think I turned out just fine! But does that make it ok?

Now-a-days, spanking is considered “taboo” by so many. It’s scary to give your child a swat in public for fear of being turned in to social services by someone watching from afar. Do you remember when teachers spanked students? Can you imagine a teacher spanking your child in this day and age? Yet, when you look around us, it seems that so many of our young people today are disrespectful, irreverent and downright rude. Why is that? Do you think it is because they aren’t spanked? Or could it just be lack of discipline? Discipline does not necessarily = spanking!

Personally, I am slightly conflicted when it comes to corporal punishment. Yes, my children have been spanked – but very rarely. Even my boisterous, happy-go-lucky-get-in-all-kinds-of-trouble seven-year-old has had very few spankings. Yet, when I was pregnant with my children, I absolutely intended on spanking, when necessary. After all, I was spanked as a child and felt like I deserved it every single time. I didn’t feel unfairly treated, embarrassed, or put down. And I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that my mother loved me with all her heart. But as my first child grew up, I quickly realized that with her temperament, spanking was not the answer and would do more harm than good. I had to change my plan, for sure.

Can you spank and still let a child know they are loved and valued? Basically the question arises – can you hit a child out of love? That sounds like such an oxymoron, to me. Yet I still stand on the middle ground, not sure exactly what my stance would be on spanking. I think there might be merit to spanking in certain situations. Yet, I know a set of parents who absolutely refuse to spank or do any corporal punishment, and while it seems to be more work for them at this point in time, they have a well-adjusted, very happy and secure child. I also know a set of parents who believe in spanking to teach their child right from wrong and they, too, seem to have happy, well-adjusted children. The one thing in common with both of these families is that they absolutely love and adore their children, and their children know it.

So, is there are right and wrong? Let us know what you think!

 We had a great show with Charles Mills. As we talked about applying the ten top wellness tips to everyday life, I couldn’t help but think about myself. How could I feel better, have more energy, and keep from getting the annual virus?

Charles Mills

I have one very bad habit. Every year about this time, I start saying (usually as I eat), “It’s time to put on the winter fat.” Even though I say it as a joke, I always put on the “winter fat.” This year is going to be different. I’m going to post this list on my refrigerator. You want to know why? Because, it takes me all summer to get my “winter fat” off. This year, I’m going to save me some time and energy and follow these wellness tips, and I’m not going to put on the “winter fat!” Here’s a synopsis of what we talked about.

Wellness Tip #1 One Cause, One Remedy The cause for most chronic illnesses, such as high blood pressure, diabetes’s, cancer, chronic fatigue syndrome, and obesity is poor nutrition. Dr. Gamblin suggested one way to eat your way to a healthy body was to make eating an apple and five almonds before every meal a habit. Now instead of snacking on sugared or salty items, slice up an apple and eat it with a few almonds while you are fixing your meal. You’ll be surprised how full it makes you feel and how any excess weight will start to come off.

Wellness Tip #2 Fiber The apple and almonds both are rich in fiber. Why is fiber so important? Because it is the vehicle that carries the nutrients to our body’s cell. Nutritional fiber helps lower cholesterol and maintains sugar levels; you need to eat at least 20 grams of fiber per day.

Wellness Tip #3 Do It All the Time Habits aren’t habits if you don’t do them all the time. You brush your teeth every day, you put on your seat belt when you get into a vehicle, and you should do your health habits every day. Just forgetting to drink water for one day can set you up to become sick.

Wellness Tip #4 Brain Fog Do you ever feel “foggy brained?” That foggy brained feeling is caused by lack of blood circulation to the brain. If you want to avoid that feeling, be sure to drink at least eight glasses of water every day. Get plenty of exercise, eat fresh fruits and vegetables, and spend time walking out doors in the fresh air. If you still feel “foggy brained.” Check your medications for side effects.

Wellness Tip #5 Body Adjusts It’s never too late. Change just one life style feature and your body will begin to adjust in a good way. Our bodies are wonderfully made and if we give them the correct tools it will try to heal itself.  

Wellness Tip #6 Health Habits Affect Children’s Children If your father was an alcoholic that doesn’t mean you are going to be an alcoholic; it does mean that the tendency is greater because your father’s DNA has been etched with his experiences including alcoholism. You can break the cycle, and after three generations the tendency will be gone unless the habit is resumed. Fill your life with good habits as a legacy for your children.

Wellness Tip #7 Media is Leading Us Astray The media is bombarding us with messages about food. Doesn’t your mouth water when you see those delicious hamburgers, “I’m Lovin’ it,” and what about cereal and candy bars, “They’re GREAT!” “Break Me Off a Piece of the Kit Kat BAR!” and so on and so forth. If you can make a habit of doing a little channel surfing during commercial time, you’ll find yourself less tempted by these food messages. Better yet, jump up and do something, dust the room, get five minutes in on the treadmill, or call a friend.  

Wellness Tip #8 Medical Profession Doesn’t Know If it is an acute situation, such as a broken arm, or wound, go to the doctor. Modern medicine has saved many lives because of the knowledge about infections, anesthesia, and antibiotics. These are considered acute situations. But if it is a lifestyle problem (and a doctor can help you decide), change your lifestyle. You owe it to those you love and who love you; dying young leaves a vacancy that no one else can fill.

Wellness Tip #9 We Are in charge of our Health Yes, take charge of your health. If you feel sick, go through your own inventory: Am I eating fresh foods and vegetables, getting enough exercise, drinking plenty of water? Have I had enough sunlight and fresh air, am I getting enough rest, do I trust that God is in all of my circumstances? And then take the steps to fix it; you are the only one that really knows how you feel.

Wellness Tip #10 Start Preparing a Healthy Body for Heaven Scriptures tell us in 1 Corinthians 6:19, What, know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? The next time you struggle with overworking, overeating, or over anything, remind yourself, you are a temple, so treat yourself with respect.

I’d love to hear some of your wellness tips. Maybe you make it a point to find humor in stressful situations. Hey, that’s another great tip. I’m going to add it to my list. I’m going to find a reason to laugh every day. How about you?

Do you, as the reader, think that boys are “hard-wired” for guns and weapons? Today we asked our guest, Randy Fishell, editor of Guide and Real magazines, his thoughts about boys and guns. Having raised three boys of his own, Randy has obviously been provided a lot of empirical research on the subject. He said that his line in the sand is when guns become part of recreational violence.

Some have said that looking through the sites and aiming the gun at “people” in video games helps with the hand-eye coordination. According to Randy, the only thing that playing violent video games with guns helps you do is to play video games better.

Does allowing boys to play with toy guns teach them violence? Does it condone violence? One caller said that she allowed her teenage son to have a BB gun, if he paid for it with his own money. That is exactly what he did. After about six months, the newness wore off and she doesn’t even remember what happened to the gun. Another listener emailed us during the show and said that his parents tried mightily to keep his interest in warfare and weapons in check but it was like trying to stop the mighty sea. Today, that very caller, in his 50s, says he won’t even kill a stink bug.

I think that whether or not we let our children play with toy guns does not decide whether or not they will be violent in the future. Raising our children with loving discipline, with or without guns, will ultimately shape their lives into the adults they will become.

As one listener commented, after the show: I believe that at the deepest core of the male half of the human species, since the introduction of sin, was divinely ingrained the survival drive to care for and protect the family unit and dependents “owned” by the “alpha male”.  This is an observable common denominator throughout all of nature.  The advantages that man has over all other animals is that he has both sentience (ability to reason from cause to effect) combined with the physical ability to create and use tools.  Some of those tools are weapons with which he defends the family unit and the territory claimed by the family unit from which to gather food. 

I believe that misguided modern society has done much to try to blur, soften, and even eliminate this drive in men which, I believe, has led to disastrous unintended consequences in the behavior of men.  But that another story to tell….

By Cathy Jackson

Our guest today was Sarita Holzmann, co-founder and president of Sonlight Curriculum. She and her husband John are considered leaders in the field of literature-based homeschooling. They established Sonlight Curriculum twenty years ago. Their goal was to provide families across the globe with the rich resources they need to raise life-long learners who fervently pursue whatever God calls them to do. Sarita and John have co-authored almost fifty Sonlight Instructor’s Guides, Core programs, and study helps for topics as diverse as World History to Science. Sarita homeschooled her own four children and cherishes a legacy of family-centered, literature-rich home education. She now serves as a trusted guide in how to raise disciples with a heart for God’s global work.

In looking at the big picture of what education really is, Sarita said that it is so much more than just spoon feeding our children what is written in a textbook. Education should include cultural literacy, math, training to love and serve God, memorizing scriptures, reading biographies, understanding the big picture of history, to be critical thinkers and to evaluate and understand what they are reading and discussing. What do you get when you put it all together? The love of learning. “If your child finishes 12^th grade, closes the book and says, ‘yay, I’m done learning!’” Sarita says, “then we have failed.”

Instilling lifelong learning is a goal that every parent should have. Reading great books, such as the ones that Sonlight Curriculum offers, is one way to encourage that love of learning. What makes a truly great book? Sarita gives each book a 7-point test: 1) Real or realistic characters. 2) Solid character development. 3) Content that adds to a cultural library. 4) Multi-dimensional plot. 5) Emotionally compelling. 6) Verbally beautiful. 7) Re-readable.  If your book can pass this test, then in Sarita’s opinion, and the opinion of the author of this blog, you have a good one!

With a scholarship program in place and a charitable organization that they support, Sonlight Curriculum seems to be a well-rounded, literature-based, Christian homeschool curriculum that can fit your life and your children’s education. For more information go to www.sonlight.com.

Today our guest was Dr. Sandra Doran. Dr. Doran has worked with parents and teachers for more than 25 years and enjoys conducting workshops through her business, www.TheTeacherTrack.com. She has taught on every level from pre-school through graduate school and holds a doctorate of education from Boston University. On both a personal and professional level she has had first-hand experience dealing with such issues as attention-deficit disorder, dyslexia, specific learning disabilities, emotional issues, and giftedness.

Some of the basic symptoms a person with ADD/ADHD might have would be:

• Consistantly inconsistent
• Difficulty paying attention to detail and tendency to make careless mistakes in school or other activities; producing work that is often messy and careless
• Easily distracted by irrelevant stimuli and frequently interrupting ongoing tasks to attend to trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others
• Inability to sustain attention on tasks or activities
• Difficulty finishing schoolwork or paperwork or performing tasks that require concentration
• Frequent shifts from one uncompleted activity to another
• Procrastination
• Disorganized work habits
• Forgetfulness in daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)
• Failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores
• Frequent shifts in conversation, not listening to others, not keeping one’s mind on conversations, and not following details or rules of activities in social situations

Determine when these signs are exhibited during the course of the day, evening, or night. The ADHD child has these issues not only at school or at home, but also elsewhere such as extra-curricular activities or during neighborhood playtime. Forming a time frame at what age these symptoms began to show up alerts the parent to the possibilities that their child may indeed have ADHD. An ADHD child starts exhibiting many of these symptoms before the age of seven.

Dr. Doran says using the acronym AIH can be very helpful in diagnosing a child with ADHD.

• Attentional bias – We are not talking about the normal distractibility of a child, but instead, ADHD sufferers have an inability to focus on tasks, instructions, or activities.
• Impulsiveness – All children are impulsive to some degree or another, but when we are looking at an ADHD child, they are several degrees above their peers in impulvsive behavior. Their impulsiveness is constantly getting them into trouble and they do not have the ability to keep it in check.
• Hyperactivity – Hyperactive symptoms are different than inattention in that the child is always moving. They fidget and have a hard time sitting still.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health two to three percent of children have ADHD. This means that in a typical classroom at least one child is ADHD. The NIMH estimates that about 2 million children in the United States have ADHD.

A neurologist by the name of Dr. Fred Baughman estimated that 500,000 children were diagnosed with ADHD in 1985 and he estimates that there are now 5 to 7 million children with this diagnosis. Dr. Baughman’s main point seems to be that ADHD is misdiagnosed and overly medicated.

Russell Barkley, PhD, has done extensive research on ADHD and ADD. Here is the summary of some of his findings:

• Boys are most likely to be diagnosed ADHD.
• 75% of boys with ADD are also hyperactive while,
• 60% of girls with ADD are also hyperactive.
• 40% of children with ADHD have a parent with ADHD
• 50% of children with ADHD also have trouble sleeping
• Children with ADHD develop 30% slower than non ADHD children
• 65% of children with ADHD have discipline problems
• 25% of children with ADHD have a serious learning disability
• One half of ADHD children have poor listening comprehension
• Parents of a child with ADHD are three times as likely to divorce
• Teens with ADHD have four times as many car accidents and have seven times as many second accidents

 On the other hand, there are also positive traits associated with people who have ADHD:

Creativity – Children who have ADD/ADHD can be very creative and imaginative. The child who daydreams and has ten different thoughts at once can become a master problem-solver or an wonderful artist. They may be easily distracted but sometimes they notice what others don’t see.

Flexibility – Since they don’t consider a lot of options at once they are usually more open to different ideas.

High Energy – When children with ADD/ADHD are motivated, they strive to succeed and work and play hard.

Curious – Children with ADD/ADHD are not usually boring! They are interested in a lot of different things and their curiosity makes life very interesting.

Keep in mind, too, that many children with ADD/ADHD are intellectually or artistically gifted. We totally believe that every child has been given unique gifts to bless others. And affirming those gifts can be a protective factor against low self-worth. Make a point to focus on what is right about your child.

There isn’t one of us who wants harm to come to our children; we certainly don’t want the “she bears to get them.” What do we do when we see them heading on a self-destructive path? Kalyn’s Secret is a story about such an experience. As a pastor’s kid, Kalyn was active in church, a straight-A student, a seemingly perfect daughter. So how, at the age of 14, did she become involved with a man in her father’s church who was three times her age?

Kalyn says this unhealthy relationship started very innocently. His family and her family were good friends. The man would often compliment her on how nice she looked or how beautiful she sang. Lisa, the mother, didn’t realize that one in four girls is the victim of this type of crime and one in six boys. As a homeschooling mom she thought her children were protected. “Maybe I gave Kalyn too much credit to be able to handle things in a mature fashion.” She commented.

In the book Kalyn’s Secret, Lisa has written an Allegory called the Journey through Adolescence. In this allegory the parent and teen are traveling on a river, the parent has studied certain islands that they need to avoid like Depression, Drugs, Sexual Abuse, Rebellion, Violence, and Teen Pregnancy. Unfortunately, the parent doesn’t realize that the island of Love Addiction doesn’t wait for you to land on it, but can sneak on your boat while in the middle of the river.

Love Addiction consists of three main components: Romance, Relationship and Sexual Addiction. Love addiction is often perceived to be “less serious” than other addictions such as eating disorders or self-harm/mutilation, perhaps because it sounds “softer.”  In reality it is extremely painful and can be very dangerous to both the addict and the object of their affection.  Many suicides, murders, stalking, rapes and other crimes of passion have their roots in this addiction.  Our culture, as portrayed in the media, has traditionally glorified love addiction with the notion that we fall in love and live “happily ever after.” Teens and young adults are particularly vulnerable to this type of addiction because they don’t fully understand the groundwork that true relationships require.

Some of the causes for Love Addiction are: Lack of nurturing and attention when young, feeling isolated, detached from parents and family, hidden pain over emotional and/or sexual abuse, inner rage over lack of nurturing, and early abandonment. Encourage your teens to know about the background of their girl or boy friend and if any of these events have been part of their life, strongly caution them both of the danger of Love Addiction.  

Have them do a self-inventory by checking the following:

• Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal breakdown

• Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
• Highly manipulative and controlling of others
• Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
• Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
• Escalating tolerance for high-risk behaviors
• Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
• Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems 
• Using others, sex and relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
• Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
• Confusion of sexual attraction with love (“Love” at first sight)
• Tendency to trade sexual activity for “love” or attachment  
• Existence of a secret “double life”
• Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
• Tendency to leave one relationship for another
• Inability to be without a relationship
• Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately  

Many of these symptoms are also elements of co-dependency and intimacy dysfunctions resulting from childhood abandonment, emotional and/or sexual abuse.  For this reason treatment and therapy for Love Addiction often includes trauma recovery work. 

It has been eight long years toward recovery for Kalyn. She went down the slippery slope of rebellion, cutting, not eating, and suicide. All of these were symptoms of a bigger problem, and as parents we must be determined not to “let the she bears get them!”